


if it could've been me

by reylotrash711



Series: reylotrash711 folklore/evermore collection [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, House Party, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Minor Angst, Minor Background Drinking, Minor Background Drug Use, Miscommunication, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711
Summary: Three weeks ago, Rey confessed her feelings for Ben and it ended badly, to say the least. With the year coming to an end, and a hectic New Year's party, will the pair be able to put it behind them? Do they truly want to push away their feelings? Or will they finally confront them as the clock strikes 12?Inspired bythe 1by Taylor Swift
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: reylotrash711 folklore/evermore collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084049
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	if it could've been me

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year dear readers! This is the first of thirty-four fics that I will be posting this year, inspired by Taylor Swift's Folklore and Evermore. To learn more about the collection click [here.](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711/status/1337520191819935746?s=20)
> 
> A huge thank you to [Cecilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/works) for beta-reading this fic and for your continued support with this series, I cannot thank you enough ❤️
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the fic and have a happy new year 🥳

She’d been there less than half an hour and had already decided that she was sick of the loud, uncomfortable New Year’s party. Rose had dragged her along, insisting that she couldn’t spend New Year’s alone. It was ironic, really, that she felt more alone than ever at this party, despite being surrounded by so many people. She stood, shifting from side to side in the crowded living room. In one corner of the room, a group of people were slumped on a couch. Half-eaten brownies had been abandoned on the coffee table as they ascended to another level, staring at the ceiling in awe. In the other corner of the room, couples hid in dark corners and strangers exchanged drinks as they each tried to find someone to share the dreaded countdown with. Finally, in the centre of the room that Rey was currently trying to escape, was the dance floor. People drunkenly danced together, moving their hips and feet to the steady beat of the thumping music that rang through her ears as she pushed through the crowd, breathing a sigh of relief as she reached the other side. 

Taking deep breaths, she shuffled towards the long table in the kitchen that was holding the drinks. Her hands shuffled through the mess until they found an unopened bottle of coke. She really didn’t feel like drinking tonight. 

The next half hour was spent wandering around the crowded house, informing people that no, she didn’t want to kiss them at midnight and that she wasn’t in the mood to dance right now. When the clock reached twenty to midnight, she really was tired of it and decided it was better to just go home and watch the countdown from the comfort of her living room. 

“But the party’s just getting started!” Rose insisted in response to Rey’s farewell.

“It’s too stuffy here, Rose, I’m exhausted and just want to head home,” Rey explained, pulling on her coat. 

“Just stay until midnight at least, the fireworks are going to be great tonight.” 

Rey shook her head, “I’ve had enough, Rose, this is the last place I want to be right now.”

Rose shrugged, “Okay, if you sure.” She said gently, pulling her friend into a hug, “Be safe.”

“I will.”

Rose disappeared back into the crowds as Rey made her way down the hall to the front door, patting her pockets to check she had her phone and keys. As she reached the door, a man came hurtling down the hall, crashing into her, drowning her in the contents of the plastic cup he was clutching. “Mmm, sorry.” The man said drunkenly before retreating back to the kitchen, most likely in the search of another drink. Rey groaned, looking down at the now beer-soaked shirt she was wearing. She’d have to clean up before she headed home, there was no way she was going to sit on a London bus smelling the way she did now. 

Rey started up the stairs in search of a bathroom to try and salvage what she could of her shirt. Upstairs it was significantly quieter, with only a few people here and there heading either back downstairs or into a bedroom. After opening three doors and apologising profusely to the two women she had interrupted in the second room, Rey found the bathroom. 

Locking the door behind her, she turned on the taps and retrieved a flannel from the bathroom counter. Running it under the tap, Rey soaked the flannel before dabbing it on her shirt, desperately trying to scrub away the smell of alcohol. Much to her dismay, it only made her shirt damper, doing very little to get rid of the smell. With a sigh, she tossed the soaked flannel into the sink and pulled her coat tighter around her torso, she’d just have to call an Uber. 

She left the bathroom and made her way back along the landing, pulling out her phone to find said Uber. As she turned to go back down the stairs, she felt a strong breeze hit her. Looking to her left, she noticed an open window, she should probably close it. As she approached it, she spotted that it led onto a flat roof that looked out over the garden, and sitting in the corner of it, was a figure.

“Hello? Are you alright?” She asked, sticking her head out. 

The shadowed figure nodded.

“Are you sure?”

The figure nodded again.

Unsatisfied with the answer, Rey pulled the window up higher before swinging her legs over the edge and jumping the couple of feet onto the concrete roof, landing surprisingly gracefully. The cold bit her skin as she stuffed her hands into her pockets and moved closer to the figure.

“Who are you?” She asked, curious as to why they had chosen such a place to celebrate. 

“You don’t want to talk to me.”

Rey jumped at the voice. The shadowed figure was right, she really didn’t want to talk to him. 

Ben Solo rose to his feet, walking into the light coming from the open window. 

Rey swallowed and backed away, looking down at her feet. 

“Didn’t know you were going to be here,” Rey mumbled.

“Poe invited me.”

“Oh.”

They stood in silence, neither of them able to speak. It had been three weeks. Three weeks since their whole worlds had crumbled around them. 

“So, how have you been?” Ben asked.

“Fine.” Rey said curtly, walking passed him and looking out at the garden, “You?”

“I’m doing good, moved onto some new shit.” Ben answered, standing a few feet from her, “Been saying yes instead of no these days.”

Rey turned to him, “Stealing my mantras too?” 

His lips quirked into a small smile, shaking his head, “No, just following their advice.”

Rolling her eyes, she looked back to the garden, “I guess you never know how things will turn out until they happen right before your eyes.” She said thoughtfully, “I never thought I’d see you anywhere near a party.” 

Ben shrugged, “It sounded better than being stuck in my flat tonight.” 

Rey nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I guess it is.” 

Silence fell between them again and they stood simply looking out at the quiet garden for a solid five minutes before Ben spoke again, “How’s the flat?”

“Look, you don’t have to pretend you care,” Rey snapped, “If all you are going to do is make polite small talk then just go.”

“I want to apologise!” Ben argued.

“Well, it’s too late now!” Rey exclaimed, storming across the roof and back to the window as her eyes filled with tears. 

“Rey, wait!” 

She reached up to push the window open further so she could climb back in when it came slamming down, making her scream as it shut, the lock sliding into place. “Fuck!’ She exclaimed, pulling at the window, “We’re stuck.”

Banging on the window, she called out, desperate for someone to hear so she could run from the conversation that deep down she knew was inevitable.

Her hands were red and sore as she pulled at the window. Too focused on the challenge, she didn’t notice Ben coming up behind her and resting his hands on top of hers, gently pulling them from the window and holding them as his thumbs stroked them gently. 

Rey swallowed before looking up at him and his plaintive eyes that had always seemed to look directly into her soul. “I made a mistake.” He whispered softly, “I made a horrible mistake.”

He pulled his hands away and looked at her with a mournful expression, “I never wanted to hurt you, Rey.”

“Well, you did!” Rey replied with malice. 

Ben nodded, “I know, and I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

“I never expected anything from you, Ben. I needed to tell you how I was feeling, but I knew nothing would ever come of it.” She explained, “But it would’ve been fun if you could’ve been the one.”

He stepped closer, “Is there not a chance that I could be?” He asked.

Rey felt her heart skip a beat, unable to believe his words “I don’t know, Ben. You are the one who turned away, you are the one who ran.” She looked down at her feet, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Besides, I know you don’t feel the same way, so please don’t do this out of pity.”

Turning away, she walked back along the roof before sitting down, her legs hanging over the edge as she looked up at the stars. “You don’t understand.” Ben blurted, following her and taking a seat beside her. 

Reaching out, his cold hand cupped her cheek and she looked to him, inhaling sharply as she was met with his intense gaze. “I never meant to push you away, to hurt you, I was afraid that I would fuck everything up were anything to change.” Rey frowned, somehow, they had both managed to fuck it all up, despite how hard they had tried not to. 

“I told you I loved you and I meant it, Ben, and I wished that you would choose me, even if deep down I knew it wasn’t a possibility.”

“And now I am asking you what you would do if it was.” 

A small gasp escaped her and Rey felt her eyes well with tears, “What are you saying?” She asked. 

“I made a mistake.” He whispered softly, “I made a horrible mistake.” he took a shaking, nervous breath before continuing,“I am trying to tell you I love you, Rey, and that over the last three weeks I have realized what an idiot I am and how I should have told you how I felt.”

Rey was speechless as Ben tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

For a moment, she got lost in his eyes, they had always seemed to enchant her. She’d missed them. She’d missed  _ him _ . God, she’d missed him so much. Lonely nights spent sitting on what had once been their couch in their flat with only a trashy rom-com to fill the silence. After being roommates for three years, watching him pack up and leave after their falling out had hurt her more than she thought. It was only now that she realised how much she had truly longed to see him again.

“I missed you.” She croaked, her voice broken and hoarse, “I missed you so much, Ben, I’ve never felt so alone.”

“I missed you too.” Leaning forward, Ben pressed his forehead to her own, “And I am so so sorry for ever making you feel that way. But, I promise you now, you are not alone.”

Reaching up to caress his cheek, Rey whispered, “Neither are you.”

“10! 9! 8!”

They pulled apart, looking down at the party spilling out into the garden as the countdown begun. 

“7! 6! 5!”

At the same time, they turned to each other, inches apart. Rey’s breath caught in her throat as she came closer to him, her hands resting gently on his arms and her gaze darted to his lips. The lips she had always wondered what it would feel like to kiss. 

“4! 3! 2! 1! Happy New Year!”

In the distance, the fireworks went off, lighting up the sky as Ben closed the space between them, pressing his lips to Rey’s as people cheered, exchanging kisses and singing. 

Everything else faded away as Rey could think only of the mind-blowing kiss she was sharing with Ben. Ben! Her best friend, her former roommate and the man she cared for more than she could explain. 

Her hands cupped his cheeks as his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. 

When they eventually pulled away, bright smiles painted their faces.

“Happy New Year, Rey.”

“Happy New Year, Ben.”

It was too much to resist. As the fireworks went off and the music played, Rey kissed him again, because, at the end of the day, Ben was the one. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed please consider leaving comments and kudos!
> 
> The next fic in the series is inspired by [Cardigan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-a8s8OLBSE) and will be out next week! You can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/reylotrash711) for updates.


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